In the darkest ocean I saw a light shining its way through the waves

Like fingertips tracing my spine electrifying my skin
My heart beats faster than the speed of sound

Fire in my eyes blizzard in my soul
My eyes ache and kneel for the beautiful undisclosed unknown
Something surreal it overcomes divine
Waves crashing against the shore grinding upon my shame..she is
As if it were her favorite art

There’s passion to her nails when dug onto my skin
Stealing layers trapped in between the claws and fingertips of she

We are the people of the world, we are the gods in this space

So take me for a ride in the tides to the wildest utopian grounds

My breath is an orphan.. You could be the end of me, the birth of heaven’s tamed treasoner

All I desire in this blasphemous occasion is for our bones to entangle
For our souls to commune
For our stars to clash

Tomorrow is an illusion, yesterday’s flown away with the ashes
We’re left with nothing but the pleasure and the pain, the sole beauty of the bittersweet
Observe me as I weep for the utmost
Take me in..
Ascend me to the end of time
To the roof of your mouth, to the heights of life..
Until we have broken through ordinary, the dead land of ordinary
And mercilessly drop me upon the burning core

There’s life in our dreams this night, glorified by our creation of madness..
‘Forever’ is the burden we could not endure
Endless libido pumping t’is impure

I needn’t an eternal force nor do I need the purity of heavens

I need you wholly solely instantly desperately this split of a moment
To quench your thirst
To fulfill your fantasies
To ease your fears and to dominate my weakness.
So destroy my well being and conquer my territory
To prey on my heart
This heart of a caveman

From this moon out, without your possession..I am of no worth
Needless of your ghosts
I love you now, adore me then
Taste my pain I’ll embrace yours

For may our bodies collide


My personalized reproduction of  'An Introduction to the Philosophy of Freedom (Basic Notes)', originally performed by Iraqi visual artist Sadik Kwaish Alfraji in 2005. "I know that I can choose, but I can not confirm that I am free, for my choices are always confined to conditions beyond my will." 


“Who taught you to hate yourself?” is perhaps the single most revolutionary sentence I have ever read, and I have read a lot in my lifetime. 

Life is hard for most, if not absolutely all, of us. As a result, I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with accepting another person’s love, essentially their offer to lighten our burden, even if only momentarily. There is no weakness in being open to healthy and sincere affection from another. Most of what we will struggle with in life will be out of our hands, and so our individual journeys will be tough. If another person wants to give you the gift of a love that is kind and thoughtful, why reject it?

I like to think of my heart as an open door, maybe even a revolving door. Throughout the years, I have loved and I’ve lost, not unlike pretty much every other person on this planet. What has me swimming upstream is that I don’t seal myself off from how I feel about people because of things that may have happened in the past. Where is the sense in punishing future loves for cruelty experienced in the past, and at the hands of another?

It’s not only rude, but also selfish.

Often times, loving another person is what inspires some of us to be the best we can be. There are people in my life I will forever love because to me, they are the earliest memories I have of myself. In them, I see them person I hope to be, the woman I try to be. To lose them would be to lose myself, and so I keep them close.

With love like that out there, it can be said that there really is absolutely nothing brave, poetic, artistic, or even tortured about rejecting healthy and understanding love. The kind of love that helps us get out of bed in the morning, helps up get through pained nights, and makes us cry during the better moments because it endured and it is still there, shared by two people who chose to care.

Who you are now, who you see in the mirror today, that’s who you are. Maybe you the yourself, but just accept that person, and realize that you are more than yet another a reflection that walks past you on every shiny surface you pass. Don’t feel shame about who you were or who you are because that’s pointless. We allow people to be mean to us on a daily basis, accepting it as fact and part of life. Why not do the same with love?

It’s not up to you to decide on behalf of someone else whether or not you are worth their affection. That is something that it simply not your war to fight, and certainly not yours to lose. Let yourself be loved, and maybe someday as a result of that, you’ll be able to repay the kindness with love all your own.

1. // NADA J

The day I confessed I was starting to fall in love with you, you shook your head, and said “repent, repent.” And I did, coming back the next day, with my hands tied behind my back, my eyes red, my wings withered and bruised. But with you, it was always the same. You said you can’t fall in love with a sinner, not this time. I said I won’t sin, not ever again.

And my Dear, if you’re listening now, please understand it’s not easy. I will repent, but I'm not promising you I’m coming back anew.


Let me tell you something about me; I have a pretty unreasonable fear of the dark. It’s not something I’m particularly proud of, and I know it’s pretty silly to be an adult who still hates venturing into the darkness, but it’s true. My mind finds it incredibly easy to populate my head with thoughts of unspeakable horrors that reside in the dark, just outside my field of vision - and of course, in the absolute darkness, that field of vision is essentially non-existent - and so I simply freeze at the edge of that black, inscrutable existence, and try my best to not think about what might be in there.

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He held himself with grace that made it seem like the entire world was his entitlement. He walked with such certainty, taking deliberate steps. Tilting his head to one side as he did things, making it seem that it was so easy to live; that it was so easy to be him.

He spoke in a tone that made me want to fall apart. To stand there, stripped of all my walls and facades– strength, independence, success – he spoke and I wanted to be little. He spoke, and I wanted to be small, I wanted to be comfortable in the small space I occupy, in my mumbles and incoherent thoughts. He spoke and I wanted to cry, not minding the whole world watching. He spoke and the world stopped whatever it was keeping itself busy with, its false sense of grandeur, until he was done vocalizing a carefully processed thought.

All done in but a moment, but to me, the world really does stop.

My false sense of control, of knowledge, of having it all figured out. All it takes is one word. I want to touch his skin, and maybe in doing that, I will understand. I own nothing but my senses. I won nothing but the awareness of my true self in his presence. For the first time, I don’t feel like I want to own that person, to control that person, and it’s not because I know of my inability to do so. I don’t want to.

Free spirits are in fact not free; they are confined by their own thirst for freedom. They strive for it, fight for it… the very thought of being stripped of it utterly frightens them. Fear eats away at your poise, and who am I to do that?

Who are you to expect things of such a being– enlightened, illuminated.  Who are you to limit such an existence?