206 // SARA BEDRI (via #NWN)

Still water runs deep

Still water runs deep but your assumptions of me are a mirage
Shallow and non existent
I’m a collection of peoples opinions of me the things they thought they saw and words they never meant
The line between opinions and facts becomes blurry
I start to think that I must be everything you claim because if it wasn’t true why would you mention my name
Does your idea of me make you a more interesting person Are conversation skills measured by your ability of backbiting
But gossip travels like a game of Chinese whispers
And I once read that dogs only bark when they don’t know the person

So no. I am not what you claim I am. I am a soul inhabiting a body not the other way around I am not skin deep but your words they cut deep when once again you remind me of my flaws as if I am not aware of their existence as if I don’t already walk like atlas dumped the weight of the world on me..
And everytime my wound heals you rip off the bandaid like you’re trying to strip me off of all the bits of self esteem I have left.

I am not skin deep but your definition
Of beauty is.

I’m a human made
Of flesh and bones
Your words will never hurt.
Sticks and stones.
I Am but a skeleton learning to get rid of the skeletons in my closet.

I am
No different than the other parts that make up my society
Carbon copies seeking acceptance
A replica of a replica seeking recognition but you can be anything you want. Don’t try to be something you’re not.
Just smile and be a part of a society that loves to contradict itself. A society that ironically blames society for everything.
A society that tells you that physical appearance race and social status don’t matter hoping they’ll convince themselves in the process.
Women rights gay rights even animal rights caused by a society that can barely tell right from wrong. Because when did we start needing rights to treat each other like actual human beings?

All we are is 75% water
206 bones
32 teeth but no wisdom

All we are is
Carbon copies seeking acceptance
A replica of a replica seeking recognition
But to stand out doesn’t mean you’ll fit in But you can be anything you want.

Just be yourself. Don’t forget to smile. Also may I add those teeth a bit too crooked a bit too yellow. It’s what’s on the inside that matters. But that only matters if you’re a rich white man.

I live in Africa..
More specifically I live in Sudan
A rich land where the people are kind and this kind of racism does not exist
Because the majority of the citizens are neither white nor rich.
Is what I’d like to say..
But truth be told even lighter black people are racist towards others who are only a few shades darker
Because the closer you are to flawless white the closer you are to perfection.
I’m not talking about teeth surprisingly.. I’m talking about skin tone.. surprisingly you are not surprised.. because this definition of beauty has been planted in our minds.

Although you should definitely do something about those yellow teeth.

I don’t know when we’ve adapted this concept of real beauty but
White is good black is bad
Yin and yang
Darkness and light
I choose darkness everytime
Because in the darkness I find myself and take off those masks and fake smiles that I’ve worn for so long and I can finally listen to that phrase they so absentmindedly utter but then condemn you for it and I am finally finally allowed to be myself.

Just be yourself.
Why are you so insecure love your body woman love yourself.

Are we  now being judged not only by how we look but how we feel about it too Because being insecure is repulsive but love your scars your scars are beautiful. What do you know about my scars. They are not visible nor self inflicted my scars are inside of me every heart break every loss makes a vortex forms a hole.. a black hole that sucks everything and leaves you empty and dead inside. Why call scars beautiful when I’m scar free and yet feel so uncomfortable in my own skin..

Am I beautiful because tumblr and all those alternative rock songs told you to love my scars and save me
Has it ever crossed your mind that despite my flaws and insecurities I love myself and wouldn’t give anything to trade places
Has it ever crossed your mind that I don’t need saving and that I am my own super woman
But I didn’t say a word when you told me to just be myself because everything I wanted to say would never make sense to you like those irrelevant phrases on rickshaws
And I smiled as wide as I could for you to see all my never been flawless white teeth
Because I know whats on your mind is the opposite of what came out of your mouth when you said

You have a beautiful smile.