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Shame, the moment I felt it. It wasn’t just a ‘feeling’. It was nothing like experiencing an ordinary sentiment. It was nothing like I ever felt before, it was extraordinary, the bad kind. It was bad, overwhelmingly bad. Too many full stops in the previously acclaimed point, but I’m in utter frustration, having felt shame, having possessed it. Yes, there is no twist nor there is a clever conclusion within what I said, it was very much like a possession. I felt enslaved by the demon given shit, once I’ve gotten a hold to it I’ve fallen infatuated by it, I did whatever I was told by it. Perspective is a human being’s most valuable weapon, because if you’ve built up one, then your path of an eternity has been chosen, the beauty of it is that it is not fixed, it’s frequently changing. But, when you’re possessed by this demonic energy you’re asking for a long term contract, it is hard to stop even when you’ve realized it is too late, it demands to be a part of you and it demands to hold responsibility of your outcome.
Here I am telling you the story of Mrs Shame becoming my long life partner, my vital organ, my eve. Once it penetrated my soul it had built its fortress and marked its territory, it has floated viral within my spirit the moment it got access to me. You start to wonder whether whatever outcome is being produced by you is of sub consciousness or being responded to an order being made by the greatest demon Hell has to offer. Yourself, hiding behind the layer our lady friend Shame occupies, which happens to hide beneath this pure flesh God has given us. Once a self proclaimed philosopher/Serial killer called Charles Manson stated that God and the Devil are only self designed, and that the choice is yours. Well fuck you Mr Manson because it isn’t that simple, there is creation and an even greater element in life called circumstance, where you’re subjected to act upon each and every moment of your life until you’ve become. To become. Do not take becoming for granted, because becoming is either a second chance or an end. It could end you. It could fuck you into oblivion, you’d be sliding over your way to oblivion before you’ve grasped awareness.
When is ever one a sadist in a scenario consisting a human being in a life? you always end being the masochist, one way or another, sooner or later, you will find your way around being one. Just another victim. Success is equally mortal to your pathetic vain existence, and that’s okay. Dominance is never forever because you will never rise above circumstance at a bumpy stop in your life, you rise and then you fall, you rise again and happen to slip off and fall off the ledge, one can never rise forever. I write to you people, this very note, to speak to you of how revolted I am by myself, and I am shameful to have ashamed God, by dragging on onto this path. Shame has stood tall and strong to a point where it is becoming visible on everyone else’s silhouettes and voices, it overshadowed whatever good that certain individual had to give to the world and their fellow contemporaries.
My mother always told me that a wrong committer will always accuse whomever in the sight of theirs of wrong doing, it takes a sinner to acknowledge another. But when does it ever take a deed doer to recognize another? even in the purest places with the purest of people, there is always vanity, selfishness, arrogance towards others.
We’re only one brain away from being animals, it always occurred to me that a savage is a human being letting go and getting lost into the void that hasn’t yet been filled. All the anger and dreams that reality has rejected. Mind me not associating civilization with reality, savagery to me is stepping out of civilization. Imagine a world without civilization; all the laws insignificant, mockery of monogamy, cultivation being taken as opposed to our current take-on, cultivation in violence. Imagine a world of elimination for survival. Here is a truth that stood too long on a corner as the elephant in the room. We are already eliminating each other, intellectually and morally, that is our nature, and have we really accepted it? We may deny it until our final day, but it is a life of God and evil, you either purify or destroy, and I’d never been purified by another human potential. Forgive me god for I have sinned, for I am about to pursue this path until I’m saved.
