do you ever feel like you've lost the ability to read? even the simplest of things? again. I look for him. I know how to cry really well. I said I'd learn how to die soon. but it's tricky. I never meant to hurt anyone but myself. I know I have a sharp tongue and millions of half-eaten thoughts shooting across my head. but I also know that I'm delicate (and all I want is not to be.) the first position is learning how to tell the truth again, the second sexual position is convincing your brain of your gentleness, the third is never looking your therapist in the eye because she'll know what you're thinking.
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I like being alone when it feels that someone, someday, will walk into my room and engage me in ridiculous conversation and extreme images to provoke my nerves out of their slumber. I like ups and downs. I don't know how to be one thing for a long time.
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how can I let go of this insane stability and give in to my well-dressed demons?
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I want his entire world to close into mine. and then I want us to die. but I can't tell him these things because they don't make sense; he always needs something more practical out of my mouth.
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I put a string of daisies around my head like some sort of primal being and danced for the world to see my issues roll out of my system.