EVERY TIME I REMEMBER MY BULLIES MAMA WORRIES I’M STILL NOT OVER IT

hang the elephant for remembering you called it an elephant.
the kids at school called me fat and then got mad that i never forgot
& later, that i knew my own strength.

mama tells me i remember everything. all the things people say
that they don’t mean or don’t remember saying so they must not mean
& then i fashion them into knives & then i know just where to swipe them
& when           & i guess she’s not wrong.      i guess i always thought this accountability.
but accountability shouldn’t be as strategic. as kept warm in the pocket for next time
next time i’ll have the best comeback. all my sources cited. they’ll see.

read something somewhere once. a tender thing:
an elephant will rarely offer its head
upon your lap. feel special when it does.
you were something extra. feel warm.
feel nothing. they will bring
their whole skull down
& crush you.

he wants to play with my hair now. wants to feel how soft
like that soft doesn’t remember the first name you gave it.
yeah it’s fine. come closer.

 

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TEXT: JESS RIZKALLAH
MUSIC: HALA AL-EMADI